SPOILER ALERT: This article was originally intended to be satirical and peppered with ironic humor. Wingnuts, like many non-media entertainment outlets such as SNL and various late night talk shows, uses humor to express opinions and shed light on ironic and conflicting perspectives. In this case, the reality of what our fellow humans are experiencing in shithole countries is not very funny. We hope you enjoy this anecdote and glean some insights just the same. — MZT

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After removing Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi from power and paving the way for an ISIS takeover, then President Obama referred to the North African country as a shitstorm.

More recently, President Trump, referred to Haiti as a shithole during a closed-door meeting about US immigration policy.

These comments have inspired Wingnuts to publish its inaugural Global Shithole Ranking for 2018!

Yemen

Yemen

Defining criteria for awarding shithole status is not as easy as it may seem. For starters, having a low gross domestic product (GDP) isn’t necessarily correlated with being a shithole. San Francisco has a very high GDP, but if it were its own sanctuary nation it would definitely qualify as a shithole. On its best days the entire city wreaks of pot and urine, and it is a self-proclaimed safe-haven for criminals from foreign lands. Don’t take my word for it — here’s a mainstream media report on the “Diseased Streets” of San Francisco https://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/Diseased-Streets-472430013.html

Lack of resources and infrastructure is also poorly correlated with shithole status. South American countries like Argentina and Ecuador might have limited support from local municipalities, but their people have a tremendous sense of community and strong commitment to family that make these amazing places to live and visit.

It may be that some places are shitholes due to the frequency of natural disasters, and unfortunately Haiti has had its unfair share. Every few years the island nation is struck by a major earthquake or hurricane, and the people have been living under corrupt leadership for decades. Predisposition to natural disasters and government corruption must be shithole model criterion – reminding us once again that San Francisco would qualify if it were a nation.

Additional model attributes that will be weighted include crime rate, taxes, economic growth, and relative cost of living.

Let’s take a look at this year’s ranking!

While Guinea is among the poorest nations in terms of per capita GDP (less than $2,000), it’s not really the biggest shithole. It lacks the resource deficiency, massive corruption, and repetitive decimation of a true shithole country. Guinea might not be the first relocation destination you would pitch to your spouse, but it’s a freaking bed of roses compared to our 2018 winner.

Sierra Leone as depicted in the Hollywood film, Blood Diamond, ranks high on the shithole list as well, but also fails to reach the top spot. A civil war persisted from 1991 to 2002 leaving 50,000 people dead, displacing over two million residents, and destroying much of the country’s infrastructure. Then, just as the country was returning to its constitutional republic foundation it was hit by an Ebola outbreak in 2014 causing a humanitarian crisis where medical neglect killed more people than the virus itself. But alas, the people of Sierra Leone have demonstrated resilience, and as it turns out the country ranks among the most religiously harmonious places on the planet where Muslims and Christians collaborate in every aspect of society. Oh, and did we mention all the diamonds? Sorry S.L. – you haven’t quite earned the top spot.

Venezuela has the worst economy on the planet when considering >30% unemployment and skyrocketing inflation. Residents joke that you need to bring a duffle bag to the bank to hold all the cash you will need to buy groceries, and you need to be careful no one steals your bag because it’s worth more than the cash. Imagine you went to your local Starbucks six months ago and a cup of coffee was $5. Then you returned to Starbucks today and the same cup of coffee was $2,500. That’s pretty much what Venezuelans are up against, only worse because store shelves are empty and the corrupt socialist government is screwing up their ability to export oil – or anything else for that matter. Venezuela doesn’t make top shithole ranking because it is so rich in resources – including a decent populous, but it’s probably not a place you’ll see on “House Hunters International” anytime soon.

The world’s biggest shithole of 2018 goes to Yemen, and this is no laughing matter. While we were celebrating Christmas 2017 in civilized capitalist democracies, Yemen was marking 1,000 days of war. To quote Obama, the country is a complete shit show. It’s economy and infrastructure are in ruins, and 400,000 of its children are starving. Nearly 3 million kids were born into Yemen’s war era and are now scarred by years of violence, displacement, disease, poverty, under nutrition and a lack of access to basic services. More than 2,000 people have died since this time last year due to cholera epidemic.

Three thousand years ago Yemen was a trading state that flourished for nearly a thousand years. Since 275 A.D. the country has seen many rulers with various ideologies, and during the past 50 years the country has mostly been under corrupt rule. In 2011, Yemenis took to the streets to protest poverty, unemployment and government corruption, and it has been a downward spiral since. The current civil war is between Saudi backed forces on one side, and Iranian backed fighters on the other.

If you ever imagine life is hard where you are, just imagine Yemen where according to the United Nations, 21 million people are facing a humanitarian crisis and in need of aid. If you wish to help in some way, please look to the Red Cross, UNICEF, and Doctors Without Borders.

While our 2018 list is our first, the Wingnuts staff is hoping it will be our last. No one deserves to live in shithole except for the corrupt evil dictators who create and spread misery to millions of people.